tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18058147.post8537559454861040158..comments2024-03-15T02:50:17.397-04:00Comments on Pleasure for the Empire: Locked Production DraftAndrew Bellwarehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05718623679244389126noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18058147.post-64166573824608098982010-02-04T21:48:40.168-05:002010-02-04T21:48:40.168-05:00Thanks -- those are great notes. The making Neil m...Thanks -- those are great notes. The making Neil more smart <i>might</i> be an "actor" thing. But it might be good to go in and do a little polish on his dialog for the last few pages of his life.<br /><br />Yeah, the sex has to be foreshadowed a bit more. The <i>idea</i> with it though was that she was making him do it (which do you figure out 'till afterward.) That might be too subtle.Andrew Bellwarehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05718623679244389126noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18058147.post-81019149562514113542010-02-04T21:17:45.387-05:002010-02-04T21:17:45.387-05:00That's a great script. Robots and psychos and...That's a great script. Robots and psychos and zombies, oh my! Your zombies are a neat new take on an old idea.<br /><br />I actually thought that Neil was the one that started to sound like Eric towards the end of the script. Early on I got the feeling that Neil was a really, reaaly smart guy who just happened to be insane. But when he 'sobered up' and started explaining how he came to know so much about the situation, he came across as more of a dumb grunt than a smart guy caught in over his head.<br /><br />I thought the sex scene was a bit abrupt. You might want to put in one or two moments of sexual tension between those to as foreshadowing/foreplay.<br /><br />Oh, it doesn't matter who plays him, "Steady" is a great name for that character.Jon Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16066840293920456725noreply@blogger.com