I am charged with the execution of the Law.
The Law states that each Man to be put to the Punishment of Death shall Know the reason of his death as it is under the Law.
And though you are neither "men", and are instead blonde dipwad twins who sat in front of me in the movie theater, it is no matter. For the reason you are to be Put to Death under the Law is henceforth:
- You deemed it necessarily to speak during the motion picture.
This reason and this reason alone you kneel before me and my sharpened blade hangs above your necks. Your Honorable defense council did persuade the Jury that indeed you did turn off your damnéd cell phones before the movie and only turned them back on during, and despoiling, the end credits of the film. So I have elected to make your deaths quick and merciful.
Your heads shall be placed on stakes outside of the movie theater for all to know your crimes.