|Here are some baby squirrels instead.
Biggest thing: Once Miranda is dead and Amelia has found her brother, there are no stakes left for Amelia. What does she want then?
The end is kind of a mess. Too much action without enough motivation.
If we keep all the campiness in the dialogue, then we should also keep the teenage Sebastian flashback, so that the whole adolescent game thing is present. (maybe.)
I think there are tasers at one point in the tunnel. Really? Those will work in this world?
Quit being snarky about Tom's spelling.Plus also:
Miranda:What are you going to do with this power?
Amelia:Nothing,I am just looking for my brother
Miranda:Oh deary,you should kill lord Sebastian with it
Amelia:What?What are you talking about?
Miranda: If you kill lord Sebastian than the jails will be free and I bet you will find your brother.
Joe: Lets get out of here
Amelia: I came to find you,but I realized I am here for a bigger reason.We have to kill Sebastian. If we dont know we are going to have to someday soon.