Friday, April 01, 2011

A General Note About Theater

You show up at the theater at twenty minutes past 8. All theater all around the world starts at 8pm.

You: Is this the box office?
Me: Well, it would be, but there's nobody here now. The show has already started.
You: Can I come in?
Me: There's nobody here. I don't work here. I just answered the door.
You: I'm with the cast.
Me: Well they're all on stage.
You: It's double-cast.
Me: [So you're late for call?]
You: Can't I just come in?
Me: You would have to walk across the stage if you came in. The general manager is upstairs watching the show and I have to presume there's no late seating.
You: [in a huff because I simply don't care about you] Well I've never seen a show that didn't need an audience before.
Me: Goodnight.

If you showed up just before 8pm for a 7pm show (7pm shows do happen sometimes) then I have a modicum of sympathy for you. Really. I do. But if you can't show on time for an eight o'clock show? Nobody. Nobody cares. And you're a bozo. Go put away your clown nose and watch HBO tonight.

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