Monday, April 25, 2011

I Have Decided to Become King of England

But you have no legitimacy.
I have an army.
You can't do that. The British Constitution clearly states...
States what? I don't see any Constitution.
OK, maybe I went off half-cocked about that "Constitution" thing but you can't just go declaring yourself King.
Yes I can.
How do you go about doing that?
The way everyone else has. By declaring myself the lawful King.
And what if no one believes you?
Remember that army I was talking about?
So you plan to use military force to take the crown from its present owner?
That's been the plan every other time someone who wasn't a son or daughter of the previous King or Queen has done it. How do you think their ancestors became King?
I suppose there is a precedent...
I'm thinking about invading from Normandy. Sort of a reverse WWII.
Or... a Norman invasion?
Hey, it worked once.
And what do you plan to do with the present royal family?
I'm thinking Australia. Maybe New Zealand.
So, exile?
I'm ruthless, but not without mercy.
And what about the Magna Carta and all that?
I didn't sign no Magna Carta.
So you're just going to march in there and tell everyone you're King and that's that, huh?
What part of autocratic dictatorship do you not understand?
Any special laws you intend to enact as the new Monarch?
Anybody calling a redhead a "ginger" will be smacked by an officer of the Crown. Also, I'm going to eliminate the aristocracy.
Um. Er.
I'm the King. I can rule as I like.


Anonymous said...

Don't know what it's from, if anything, but that was entertaining.

Andrew Bellware said...

I just wanted my wedding to be a really big freakin' deal.