Tuesday, April 17, 2012


I have decided to become a hot mess. I'm exactly the kind of boy your mother is afraid of. No job, crazy life, super-hot. The more a mess my life is, the sexier I seem.
I have decided to become an Internet troll. You know that Hitler guy? I'm totally going to compare your ideas to his. Either favorably or unfavorably — depending on the venue.
Have I mentioned recently how antibiotics affect me? I am functionally very drunk. What I mean by that is that although my motor skills are perfectly fine and not kagrunked, my sense of spacial relationships is out the window. Plus my dreams are weird. I'm a little worried about going for walks because my ability to judge the speed of oncoming traffic is narwhalamated. Driving is, of course, out of the question.

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