Sunday, January 25, 2009

Why Californians Are Dumber Than Regular People

It's sad. Sad but true. Californians are dumber than regular people. And I'm not just talking about Proposition 8 or their tendency to elect B movie actors as governor (although either of those things would suffice as ample evidence for a "Californians are dumber" argument).

No. What I'm talking about is the mindless xenophobia toward Mexicans.

I stipulate the following: hands down the most stunningly beautiful people in California are Mexican.

It's like Aztec-princess-ville. And yet the Californians are all "Proposition 187" and "Save our State" and blah-blah-blah.

And why?

Well it's obvious. Californians are dumber than regular people.

"Please please don't let the beautiful people who actually look good in the daylight come here!" they scream.

Californians. It's a wonder they haven't all died off, wondering if rocks are edible.

Overall, California is divided into two types of people. Those who secretly know that New York is cooler, but are afraid of it because there is weather in New York; and those who hate everyone and everything, wish they had more guns, and live in Orange County. Then there's the fact that those who live in the northern part of the state refuse to admit they're in the same state as those who live in the southern part. If you're from San Francisco you can tell people you're going to New York, but if you tell anyone you're going to Los Angeles they say "What? Where's that?"

Plus, they think their food is better. It's not. For a (long) while (when anyone in America who didn't overcook their vegetables was considered a gourmet) San Fransisco acted as a beacon of hope for those Americans who wanted this thing called "flavor" in their food. Those days have, however, come and gone (unless you still live in the South.) If you want flavor you can go to a Vietnamese sandwich place in Minneapolis.


Hmm... what is it that's making me so obnoxious? I have no idea.

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