I am a spy. A so-called "sleeper agent" for the planet Kargonon-6. I was put in place 30 earth-years ago to report on your technology.
I'm considered a bit of an embarrassment in the intel field. The people I work for have interstellar travel and what have you guys got? Velcro. Cat videos. Actually the cat videos are quite popular on Kargonon-6. But that's not the point. I'm supposed to ship technology back to Kargonon-6 and you guys just don't have anything interesting. I'm really looking forward to the custom - built human shells our minds can be placed into. 20 year-old athletes with titanium skeletons and the ability to shut off pain. I wanted to report back "They've got the bio-tech to do that!"
Instead all I got in the iPad II.
Make some of this stuff so I'm not sending my employers the latest copy of Wired and an apology.